So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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