I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
