in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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