Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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