hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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