i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
accomplished twins. life is a go
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
