Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know her cup size but not her name....
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