So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
