Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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