i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
