i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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