I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
