my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
