please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
