so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
