I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
