Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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