it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
