I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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