so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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