just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
