I feel like I'm in dance class right now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
