I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
