There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
