As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
