Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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