3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
