so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
