I wish I could punch you in the face.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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