no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
