He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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