Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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