I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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