You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
