So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
