My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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