Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize