i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
