our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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