I can text with my tongue
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
