Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
