someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
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