Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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