Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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