Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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