she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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