3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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