I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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