You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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