it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
