You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
