Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
