We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
