I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
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I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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