she was so not down for the gang bang
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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