i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
