I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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