Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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