mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
