This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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