Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
