I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
