I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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