Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.