I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.