Texts From Last Night

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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (39843) Bad night (1917)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.

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  (504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. http://tfl.nu/jn1k
  Replies (30) Good night (6394) Bad night (480) Order T-Shirt
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.

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  (502): Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face. http://tfl.nu/puwv
  Replies (30) Good night (1170) Bad night (3943) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.

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  (704): I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/sfcz
  Replies (25) Good night (3694) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"

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  (516): I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs" http://tfl.nu/07qw
  Replies (18) Good night (6405) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.

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  (205): my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything. http://tfl.nu/6bhr
  Replies (13) Good night (3247) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?

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  (425): This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/qkoi
  Replies (2) Good night (2033) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.

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  (757): and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion. http://tfl.nu/2944
  Replies (6) Good night (1163) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.

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  (518): I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk. http://tfl.nu/wd6k
  Replies (3) Good night (1508) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.

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  (402): I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing. http://tfl.nu/1xq6
  Replies (2) Good night (487) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.

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  (613): hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday. http://tfl.nu/nmap
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY

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  (513): Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY http://tfl.nu/rc9r
  Replies (7) Good night (883) Bad night (270) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  just found out that she named her cat after me.

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  (612): just found out that she named her cat after me. http://tfl.nu/gcoa
  Replies (4) Good night (229) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.

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  (203): You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity (1-203): You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in. http://tfl.nu/9k8g
  Replies (1) Good night (764) Bad night (151)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.

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  (416): My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss. http://tfl.nu/xbc0
  Replies (9) Good night (941) Bad night (170) Order T-Shirt

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