You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed