sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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