Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
