look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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