stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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