Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
