bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
