I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
