Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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