My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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