You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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