i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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