They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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