take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
