So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I need to stop coming to work sober
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
